Have you ever felt like there is a monster inside you clawing to get out? Have you ever let that monster out? Maybe you insulted a coworker or shouted at your loved ones or snapped at a random person you just met. This monster inside is your anger.
Anger is a completely normal human emotion, it informs you when a situation is upsetting. The reason why it’s mostly considered to be a negative emotion is that most people deal with this emotion in destructive ways. Anger can hijack your life and destroy your relationships in the workplace and your personal life.
Even though anger is a healthy emotion, if not dealt with the right way it can cause many problems. Sometimes that can be difficult because after all you cannot just bottle it up, if you do so then sooner or later you will explode, and more than likely you will explode for the wrong reason. The following tips can help avoid this from happening.
1. Relax Yourself
Every self-help book you read, every YouTube video you watch and every blog you go through regarding anger management techniques will always tell you to relax. This is very important because the proverbial monster inside you is the one in control and that monster doesn’t have rational thinking, it is the primal untamed instinct that is engrained within us and is necessary to be controlled.
When you feel the monster taking over, you need to step back and think. Ask yourself questions like is this worth getting angry over? What will my actions accomplish? Due to the brain fog, you would have, this might seem impossible so first, you need to calm yourself.
There are many ways you can go around doing it, some common exercises to relax are deep breathing and progressive muscle relaxation. Taking deep breaths from your diaphragm can help - in through the nose and out through the mouth – use your gut to breathe. While breathing you can also try to visualize an environment that makes you feel safe and calm. Doing short yoga stretches and listening to music also helps to release tension.
These were some techniques that you could use to calm yourself and while they may seem not to be working, try to practice them regularly because with time they will become your greatest weapons against destructive anger. There are countless paid and free resources that you can access to find many other strategies. What is key is that you find the strategy that works for you.
2. Change The Way You Think
When people are angry tend to think that the world is out to get them and their thoughts become more exaggerated than the actual reality. That's why you have to use the relaxation techniques mentioned above so that you can think rationally.
You should not place blame on people and watch what you say and how you say it. You should try not to use negative, concrete words that makeup feel like your anger is justified such as never and always. Statements with such words only serve to insult and alienate those who would have otherwise been willing to work with you. Instead, you should take the approach of being more polite and respectful to others.
You should reframe your mindset and keep reminding yourself that anger will not fix the problem but might even make it worse.
3. Don’t Solve The Problem, Learn To Deal With It
Usually, you should try to avoid situations that you know are bound to irritate you, stress you, and eventually anger you. But sometimes anger can be caused by very real situations that cannot be escaped by just closing the door because the messy room made you upset.
It's a harsh reality that one needs to accept that some situations are just inescapable. There might not even be a possible solution to the problem except for just giving up on the solution and working on how you deal with it healthily. In situations like this, you should make your plans and carry them out but do not punish yourself if you don't get the desired results.
4. Exercise
Another common way of coping with anger is by letting it out in a healthy way – by exercising. When you are angry, your body is in a field of energy that can cause tension and stress, which can result in you being angry. Exercise can minimize or eliminate the possibility of your stress turning into anger.
Aerobic activities have been shown to reduce stress which might help you decompress, clear your mind and give you a better perspective. So whenever you feel stressed out or angry, go for a walk, hit the gym, or do any other physical activity that you enjoy and which releases energy.
5. Smile and Make Others Smile
Laughter is the best medicine so why not use it when you are angry? Making or just thinking about silly jokes can help defuse your rage and give you a balanced perspective. Angry people tend to use colorful language so use that to your advantage, before you say the phrase that will hurt the person’s feelings, try and picture it in your head. The phrases people use when angry, it is bound to make up a smile most of the time.
This is not to say that you just laugh off your problems but you can use this to take the edge off and come up with a more constructive solution.
Another thing to be careful about is that you make sure that you are laughing with the person and not at them. So instead of using harsh and sarcastic humor, you can start by using self-deprecating humor. Humor can help reframe your mindset and keep things in perspective. Plus, using humor to diffuse a troubling situation can open the door to a new connection.
Conclusion
Some people believe that anger management means bottling up your anger and not letting it out. But in actuality, anger management means learning to live with anger. It helps you identify, cope and live with your anger. Above are just a few tips you can try out but you have to be accountable and if these things don’t work and your life is being affected then do seek help and see a professional.
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