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A Self-Reflection on Adult Life

When all your life you have felt out of place, having no friends in your 20s does not make it worse. Friends - people who have your back when you feel nothing in life is right. A concept I do not have much experience in. Since my school days, I have always felt that once we become friends with someone, it will last forever. My belief ended as soon as I completed high school and joined college.


My life has kept going on without knowing how it feels to have someone to share everything with. There were people whom I considered friends, but it always felt forced in some way. Maybe it was me who couldn't communicate my thoughts, or maybe it was them who did not vibe with me. Leaving out the part about having no friends, I thrive on my alone time. Being an introvert, I do not like to spend my time with others for most of my day, but there are times I wish for someone to talk to. 


My life moves on in the same way as any other person's. I wake up on time, have three healthy meals, try to work out, and love listening to songs. If you think in a way there is nothing wrong with living life with no friends, the problem arises when you realize there is a void that wants to be filled. No matter what you do, it keeps staring back at you and reminding you that you are still not complete.


While you have your family around you, it still cannot replace a friend. Your family loves you because that’s what a family is expected to do, but a friend is another person who bonds with you and loves you for who you are. Aside from this, not having friends teaches you a lot about yourself. You start loving yourself more because you know you are the only person who is going to be with you forever. One of the things I have learned about having no friends now is you are much more self-aware of your surroundings and act accordingly. 


A perfect example of this would be when you have someone you tend to rely on others and take things for granted. You increase your expectations and somehow decrease your self-worth. This sometimes makes me question whether we deserve people who do everything for us but forget to show the same love and care towards themselves. I feel friends are meant to support and uplift you instead of making you dependent.


To fulfill my void, I watch movies, and series and read books. These are my favorite ways to escape and imagine myself as a character who has a few close friends. Some of my favorite shows and movies are FRIENDS, The Bold Type, Modern Love, and many more, which I cannot recall now. Also, there is something truly magical about Taylor Swift's songs that makes you feel understood and validated. Some of her songs that I relate to are This Is Me Trying, Mirrorball, You’re on Your Own Kid, 22, Delicate, and many more. Taylor Swift makes everyone feel like she is a friend to everyone. The way her music connects with people is phenomenal. 


It is truly important to have a few people in life to count on. Despite having no friends, I know for a fact I need to have someone to talk to but my insecurities pull me back. It is hard for me to leave my comfort zone and make time and effort to make friends. Once you are set in your ways, it becomes difficult to change, even if the same routine is boring for you. Another way to cope without friends is to have a belief in something. It can vary from person to person, some believe in God, some in universal energy, and some just believe in themselves that something better is on the way.


I believe in the power of energy. Energy travels faster than anything else. Having positive energy in your life increases your productivity to another level. Currently, I am my own supporter. If anything happens in my life, it is my choice to be held in contempt. At this moment, I am striving to build myself in a way that no one can ever break. In the end, it's my life and my rules.


In my mind, I have a vision of having one or two close friends who will see me for my worth and never leave my side. Dreams and wishes are what we truly live for. While not every wish may come true, the hope and efforts we put into it matter. Having no friends does not allow me to share my thoughts and opinions with others, but in a way, having no friends has also liberated me to be the best version of myself.

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