Why I refuse to watch Zach Snyder’s Rebel Moon – Part 1
When most people think of ‘dumb’ movies, they think Fast and the Furious, anything directed by Michael Bay or any movie franchise that was started on Netflix. When I think of dumb movies, I think of anything made by Zach Snyder. Snyder is to Cinema, for me, is what chocolate is to dogs – it might look and taste good but it’s poison to the system.
Snyder, who has for the most part completely ruined DC movies (need I say it? The whole ‘omg your mom’s called Martha to?!’), continues to plague my YouTube advertisements. I will not lie and say I didn’t enjoy the 2007 movie 300. Mainly because it was a comic book come to life. And I was thirteen when I saw it. Yet, arguably, Starz did something very similar with their Spartacus tv series – and they did it better. Frankly they even managed to incorporate elements of what is known in the film industry as ‘plot’.
That is not the point however. Snyder is not a bad director. As a person I do not know him, nor can I comment on his personal ethics. What I can comment on is the man’s insatiable desire to attempt to dominate cinema by kickstarting some of the worst franchises I have ever seen. Army of the Dead, 300 and now Rebel Moon – the man has seemingly lost competence, or the ability, for a single well defined outing without a spinoff.
For example, Snyder is still trying to turn 300 from a standalone film from a duo into a trilogy – why?
The first film was ok, the second was bland and terrible and relied too much on Eva Green getting topless for what has been described one of the worst sex scenes in recent cinema. A sex scene in a movie which didn’t feel needed, sexual to a movie with where the Queen of Sparta is raped to add nothing to the plot whatsoever.
Snyder has expressed that he is an ally to women – how is he an ally? Oh, sure, he’s got a few films where women are super amazing fighters, that’s not feminism! Especially when many of his female characters – Artemneisa (300 Rise of an Empire), Baby Doll (Sucker Punch) Silk Spectre 2 (Watchmen) – are blatantly sexualised or victimised by men. I’d love to continue on the subject, but unlike Snyder – I can actually keep this short!
The Justice League Snyder Cut…what a load of nonsense! Two additional hours which added very little to the story. And yet his fanbase groaned and moaned like the oversized toddlers they are until Warner Brothers eventually caved. As a result of the Snyders Cuts release, the ‘acclaimed’ director can now simply go on releasing lengthy versions of already tiresome movies that were a burden to watch in the first place.
Rebel Moon – Part 1 is to me no exception – the critics have panned it, yet the loyal Snyder fans have applauded it with some calling it the new Star Wars. Quite frankly, those words have been used to describe every sci-fi franchise that began after 1983 and they’ve NEVER been correct.
Snyder fails to understand a simple basic concept about storytelling – by taking a story and making it longer you aren’t necessarily improving it. The length of a cinematic piece does not affect its quality, nor should it. Admittedly there are time when extended editions have been improvements over the theatrical release, and yes even Snyder gets credit for this once. To be clear, in such cases where a story requires extension is that that extension provides something that without alters or takes away from the narrative. We do not need extended scenes of The Flash ogling Iris West in slow motion.
I ask you, the reader, to consider this next time you watch a Zach Snyder production. Don’t. Let’s take a stand for cinema, lets make cinema – if not great – decent (for the first time ever!). And let’s hope this new year, Netflix will finally crash and burn and stop producing movies of such low calibre of entertainment not even the deepest darkest parts of the Marianna Trench is low enough for them to fall to.
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